It’s Absolutely Fine If All You Accomplished This Year Was Simply Surviving

It’s that time of year again, where people get reflective and look back over the past twelve months, social media feeds go crazy with people posting their best bits (queue dramatic music backdrop to a carefully curated reel) and it seems everyone is on the ‘New Year, New You’ bandwagon. But I came here to say only this: It’s absolutely fine if all you accomplished this year was simply surviving.

I know that the endless posts about other people’s fabulous moments, they can make your year feel something less. But celebrating someone else’s win doesn’t mean you have to berate yourself for not achieving the same. And remember, what people share online tends to only relay the positives. No one’s life is a revolving loop of happy times devoid of moments that go to total shit.

It’s rubbish that people don’t share with more honesty online, that reality is sugar coated in favour of likes and shares. But remember, always, that if 2023 wasn’t your year for whatever reason, it’s totally okay.

Life is hard, full of ups and downs, wins and setbacks

Your next year doesn’t need to be bigger and better than this one. I want you to know that’s it’s fine to go into next year not promising too much of yourself. It doesn’t have to be all that, ‘New Year New Me,’ bullshit.

It can just be you, surviving, trying to do better, pushing through, handling things day by day.

No need to set yourself wild audacious goals as a Next Year comeback., unless you really enjoy the pressure. You don’t need to beat yourself up if last year didn’t go the way you’d hoped. If some things didn’t work out, it’s okay, you’ve got time. This is the reality of life; Nothing is perfect, it only occasionally makes sense, and the bit that really matters is enjoying the journey.

Each year we get on this planet is a blessing.

You are amazing, in case no one has told you lately.

You, and everything you are, is enough.

Honestly, you don’t need the pressure, you don’t need the New Years angst.

Keep doing you, because I can already tell, you’re bloody fabulous.

For Those Looking for Some Honest New Year’s Reflections, Here’s My Perspective on last year:

PS I’m not looking for pity, or tiny violins, simply sharing some unfiltered talk to offset the cascade of social media posts that will tell you that their year, was awesome, in every way.

Let’s start with the good stuff:

2023 has been full of adventures, and I’m so grateful to have travelled as much as I have, I never take for granted these opportunities to recharge my soul with new sights and experiences. I’ve been playing out the last of my post Covid travel needs and I maxed it out with every bit of annual leave spent somewhere different. I know I’m fortunate for this and I’m grateful to be able to do so.

Yet, the truth is, living out of a suitcase at times hasn’t been all it’s cracked up to be. I sacrificed to make those things happen, and that sacrifice has been my mental health and emotional wellbeing (plus, my bank balance). Not ideal and not necessarily worth it when all things are considered.

I’ve ended the year feeling burned out

I squeezed so much in and whilst I don’t regret it – as I truly appreciate what I’ve experienced, I certainly recognise that I got the balance wrong and I need to do better going forward. Whilst traveling is something that helps me connect with myself, and I love discovering new destinations, people and cultures. If I don’t find a healthier balance, learn to say No to some things, I’m going to turn something positive into a negative.

I won’t say 2024 will be the year to crack it, but it will be another year I work towards a kinder balance for myself.

2023 was a bad year overall for my mental health

Working from home and living alone has had a huge impact on my social capabilities and general wellbeing. Most days have been hard graft, trying to be positive both mentally and emotionally, whilst spending the majority of my days behind a computer screen with limited in person interactions.

The bonus, is that I committed to seeing friends and family more, but I definitely teetered on the edge of not being okay a number of times which manifested as some kind of social anxiety – the fabulous culmination of working from home for the past few years now, how delightful.

I’d never experienced a panic attack before, nor so much trepidation at heading into social situations as I have this past year. I know it’s good for me to get out there and interact with actual human beings, I accept it’s soul-nourishing to be around people, live and in person. But the trouble is, when you start to feel anxious, the need to isolate is often stronger than the urge to connect.

I’ll have to tread carefully into this next year, find a way to tackle the anxiety and not let it overwhelm. Because having a panic attack was a major low point.

I’ve Been Wrestling with an Increasingly Persistent Feeling That I Might Want to Have a Child One Day.

It’s been on my mind a lot this year. Perhaps, as I’m close to forty now, aware I don’t have endless amounts of time left to make that decision, one way or the other.

I’ve kept a lot of these thoughts to myself (aside from a couple of blogs to let out the thoughts I find so hard to decipher) as it’s such a major thing to consider for oneself. But it hasn’t led to any firm decision. I’m still lost in a sea of thoughts. Battling a sense of hopelessness either way.

I didn’t finish the book I’ve been working on for the last two years

Really disappointing. Especially as I was certain at the beginning of 2023 that this would be the year!

My day job took too much of my personal time. Carving out time for friends and family to help keep my mental health in check, limited time for writing. I have a million reasons/excuses, and yet quite simply, it’s difficult to know I’ve simply let my dream fall by the wayside and another year has passed me by.

Must do better. Must make this a priority. And must not beat myself up for not getting it done yet.

I also felt like I failed with this blog

For two years I’ve grafted on blogs, involved guest writers at one stage and spent a huge amount of time editing, learning website design, pouring hours and hours of time on social media posts, but it didn’t gain momentum.

I’m not looking for fame or fortune, I simply wanted to build an engaged audience to have a good name for myself when I sought a publisher for the book, as having that would certainly help.  But halfway through 2023 I had to admit defeat. I was doing the same things over and over, expecting different results, and in the end I had to accept that I wasn’t doing something right.

If I take the positive, I did reconsider why I started all this in the first place. I’m confident I’ve realigned and I know what I’m trying to achieve, and I’ve taken it back to the roots of what I was hoping to do in the very beginning; Challenge and change the negative narrative around being single (which is also what the book is about). Discuss mental health and wellbeing to help reduce the stigma’s around those conversations. Share thoughts, in the hopes others might relate. And let out all the reflections that sit silently inside.

And most importantly, because when art feels like air, you must breathe deeply, or risk suffocation.

So, if nothing comes from any of it, I’ll keep ploughing on, as I must.

I’ve worried a lot about money

Financial concerns have been a major downer throughout 2023. I over-committed, saying Yes when my balance screamed No. The mortgage was more than I planned for after moving home. 2023 was a struggle to balance.

People say, ‘Don’t worry, we’ll do it cheaply,’ when you express concern, but if they aren’t as money conscious, it doesn’t go down that way. I put myself in those positions though, of living beyond my means at times living off hopes and prayers that I’d find a way. Gratefully, somehow I did. But it hasn’t been easy and I put myself under a lot of stress.

I did learn, when it comes to money nothing is more important than making sure you’ve got food on the table and a roof over your head. I refuse to get myself into debt (…. again, been there in my twenties and that was not fun at all) and I will set firmer boundaries with both myself, and the people I’m committing to things with, for the future, so that I’m not constantly dreading checking the bank account.

That’s just a brief recap of last year, as always, it was complicated

We, are complicated creatures.

Whilst one thing in our lives is going well, another can be going to total crap. When something we do looks great, there can be so much pain or suffering happening under the surface. One aspect of our life might appear envious, and yet it could have come at great sacrifice to something else. Nothing is simple, nor black and white. Nothing comes without some kind of struggle somewhere along the line. There are parts we wished didn’t exist, or would f*ck right off. Life can be hard. However there is also so much good in it all.

Whatever your year has been for you, be kind to yourself

It’s okay to reflect back on what didn’t go well or the struggles you’ve had this year, but it’s helpful to make sure you focus on the wins too. Every win is a win, and if you believe they are small and meaningless, they are not.

Whether its getting yourself out of bed when you didn’t want to face the day, battling with your mental health seeing yourself through a rough patch, experiencing grief or a loss, taking steps forward when you wanted to shut the world away, handling a failure and picking yourself back up again or learning something that will impact and improve your future self.

Whatever it might be, you did amazingly to get here.

And I hope that if 2023 was a struggle for you, that 2024 is kindler and gentler.