I’ve spent so much time waiting on others, not signing up to experiences or exploring the world. Waiting on friends and family to have time, waiting on the next boyfriend to appear and be ready for an adventure or do a thing. It never occurred to me that I could, or in fact sometimes should, go for it anyway.
As a single person in her thirties, I realised that if I didn’t start to get comfortable with taking solo adventures, both privately and publicly, I was going to miss out on some awesome stuff I really wanted to be doing. And it’s then a self-fulfilling prophecy to put life on hold in the hopes for someone else being available, whether that be for a future partner or for a current friend.
You feel stuck, because you wait and do nothing.
You do nothing, and feel like life is being carried out with one arm tied behind your back.
Sometimes, You Have to Embrace Doing Things Alone
Maybe others can’t commit. Perhaps they aren’t interested. What if they don’t have the money or the time? All fine, except the important part is, if you don’t do it now, when will you?
“When you’re traveling with someone, you share each discovery. But when you are alone, you have to carry each experience with you like a secret, something you have to write on your heart because there’s no other way to preserve it.” – Shauna Niequist
Looking back, I don’t know why I did this to myself
I held myself back from so many things.
I didn’t sign up to music gigs because no-one liked the band. Bailed on films I wanted to see at the cinema as nobody else was bothered. I didn’t travel to a place, because friends couldn’t go on the trip. I didn’t travel on other trips as I aspired for it to be a romantic affair. Some nights I stayed in when I wanted to go out as people couldn’t make it. To me, no one else being available meant, ‘Oh well, I’ll have to miss out then’.
But the thing is, I was missing out. A whole wide world out there ready for me to explore it, and I couldn’t. With company, anyway. Until I decided that blow the company, I wasn’t going to watch my life pass by without me taking part in it.
Once I took that first step into embracing my alone, I found solo time liberating, empowering and also a great way to build a meaningful connection with yourself. Plus, the world is quite literally now your oyster.
What I Love Most About Solo Travel: Mindful Engagement in Every Moment
My connection to the present moment is so much deeper than when I’ve travelled with other people. Don’t get me wrong, I love to travel with others. But solo travel is also a wonderful thing, every experience is heightened when experienced singularly with no distractions. You are fully immersed in the destination and everything happening around you.
Plus, you’re empowered that you there, enjoying it, doing the thing you wanted to do. You didn’t hang about waiting for someone else to be available, you grabbed life with both bands! You are living life on your terms, saying to yourself ‘F*ck it, I want to do this so I’m going to do it. This is my life. My rules. My days and my moments. If not now, when?’
The Greatest Gift I Gave Myself: My First Solo Adventure in Norfolk
No, it wasn’t some audacious ‘backpack around the world’ trip. Perhaps somewhat meagre in comparison to that version of solo travel. But hey, when you’re mid-thirties with a mortgage and a full time job you can’t just up and leave, a one night break in Norfolk is something good to work with.
The trip represented a lot of firsts.
My first act of truly not allowing other people’s inability to sign up, to be a reason for me not doing things.
A first step into becoming comfortable with being alone, out in public.
The first time I stayed overnight somewhere by myself (work conferences don’t count).
That trip to Norfolk was small and so very big all at the same time
It was my way of saying ‘This is the beginning of me exploring the world’.
In those two days, I enjoyed pre-dinner drinks and ate dinner by myself-the full three course menu. I sat with every moment that I knew was going to be uncomfortable, and every second of it I thought, ‘I’m doing this. It’s not so scary. I’m actually having a good time! What should I do tonight?-
That bath looked lovely. I’ve got that book I wanted to start reading. Maybe I’ll have another wine? I wonder where those people are from? Gosh don’t people spend so much time on their phones even when in good company? That dogs cute. Oh the waiter is getting chatty, possibly feels sorry for me? Ah well, I feel pretty damn good so no pity chat needed here thank you. Waiter just told me he has a girlfriend, subtle slip into conversation. Don’t worry mate, I wasn’t looking for a plus one in the bath, that shits got my name only written all over it.’
It’s Incredible How Many Thoughts You Have: The Peace of an Inner Dialogue
II didn’t realise that that voice existed to such an extent. Maybe we all have an inner friend, simply waiting for a piece of the conversation, for us to notice its existence. Perhaps for so long I’d treated it like a foe, ignored its advice, mistreated its kind words and taken it as bullshit, but given the opportunity to be positive or negative, it chose to be a friend when I needed it most. And I’m grateful I discovered that I had so much power, so much control over how that voice spoke to me.
That short trip changed everything. I no longer wait for someone else to be available, or spend days half lived as nobody else is free, holding out for a friend to make last minute plans, living my life with a watchful eager eye on a another person joining me at any moment. That way of living was not a way to live a full and happy single life.
It kept me shackled, in a singular prison, and the only way to set myself free was to get the f*ck out of that waiting room.
My Challenge to You—If Not Now, When?
Amy Roullier
Amy Roullier is a British writer and author of Silent Reflections of a Fragile Heart. For her, writing began as personal therapy and has evolved into a way to connect with others, posing questions and offering reflections that might help readers find clarity. Based in Lincolnshire, Amy is an occasional vegetarian and a dedicated lover of carbs—her true soulmate. She’s currently navigating a mid-life crisis through running, and mornings are simply impossible without coffee.
