Ah, the good old slow burner.
Time and again I’ve sat eagerly awaiting a ping on my phone with that text, the one I’d hoped for, reassured that the person I’m dating is interested. It’s a tiny glimmer of hope, that a thing might lead somewhere.
They’ll get there, eventually
I reasoned with myself; if I just gave them more time, was patient and stayed the course, sooner or later, they’d see me for a good thing. Ignore the uncomfortable knot in my stomach telling you something feels amiss. It‘s wrong. Ignore that. They are going to get there, right?
It’s just a slow burn. They’re playing it cool but they totally like you.
Best to act like you’re not bothered and be grateful when they throw you a crumb.
There is something very beautiful about falling in love slowly
That’s what’s kept me hanging onto these situations. The idea of a love meant to be, that navigates some hurdles along the way, and consistently, steadily, shows up and heads on the right track.
Falling in love slowly is a beautiful thing to experience, but it’s so very difficult to figure out whether a relationship is taking its merry time, testing the waters before committing, or dragging out the process and keeping you hanging on. A smokescreen, whilst they toy with the reserve awaiting someone more exciting to come their way.
The thing is, there is a big difference between a slow burn and minimal effort, even if I regularly confused the two.
A slow burner is still effort. It’s comfortable, it’s just slower
A slow burn still shows up, it’s steady, comfortable, a warmth you feel is on the right track. If they like you, you will know. It won’t be hard to figure out or a mystery to solve. The signs will be clear.
A person who cares will have a steady determination. They’ll make real effort, and work to win you over, again and again. Not occasionally, not just when it’s convenient for them. They’ll want to spend time with you, learn more about you, see you. Consistently and sincerely, even if it takes time.
Minimal effort, on the other hand, is constant confusion
It’s just enough to keep you wondering, just enough to keep you invested, but never enough to stop the doubt, never enough to stop you questioning everything about it.
Stuck in a mental limbo, you deep down know your time is being wasted, but you keep hoping.
Read the signs, trust me they’re there. Your instincts are telling you everything you need to know. A relationship doesn’t have to be an intense fire, but it should be a steady flame.
Amy Roullier
Amy Roullier is a British writer and author of Silent Reflections of a Fragile Heart. For her, writing began as personal therapy and has evolved into a way to connect with others, posing questions and offering reflections that might help readers find clarity. Based in Lincolnshire, Amy is an occasional vegetarian and a dedicated lover of carbs—her true soulmate. She’s currently navigating a mid-life crisis through running, and mornings are simply impossible without coffee.
