All in all, it’s fair to say that society can be fixated on conventional accomplishments and mainstream milestones, ones often intertwined with some aspect of partnership. Milestones like weddings, moving in with a partner, getting engaged, starting a family or beginning a new relationship.
Whilst all of this is lovely, it does mean that other accomplishments, ones achieved whilst single, ones no less deserving of some celebration, frequently fall under the radar, even if they hold incredibly deep personal meaning for you.
And so whilst the things you are doing when single do not deserve any less celebration. The truth is, they will be celebrated less.
No-one is going to applaud you for what you do with your singleness
Having spent six years on./off single, I’ve come to conclusion that being single is part of a long list of accomplishments that tend to go unnoticed. No-one says ‘Well done’ when you leave a shitty relationship and go it on your own. Nobody pats you on the back for staying away from major red flags or concentrating on yourself for a while. Whatever you do with your singleness, whether that’s by becoming or staying single, or wins carried out whilst you are single, it doesn’t quite have the same impact as when you’re partnered.
I think because being single is conveyed as a thing to avoid and resolve, not something that might be the very status that could project you into a thriving situation. And so there is this weird narrative around being single that seems to suggest that if you’re having a great time whilst single, it’s because you’re unhappy and seeking to fill the void. If you’re having a shit time whilst single, go partner up and all will be well. And there’s not much to celebrate unless you’re marrying, engaging or doing something spectacular with your beau.
I’m not saying this is okay. It’s simply the way I see it.
What’s to be done?
The list feels altogether too narrow for my liking in today’s world. With partnership at the top of the crop and being single, and all the accomplishments made whilst being single, renegaded to ‘sub-par’ unless partner is in tow.
Which is why you need to pat yourself on the back and celebrate single in your own way. You aren’t going to receive cards on your yearly anniversary of single. Your milestones are going to come with a little less celebration than your friend having a baby or your sibling who just moved in with their partner. When you buy your own home alone. Go on holiday by yourself for the first time. Turn down a toxic relationship (or any relationship) in favour of yourself. You have to applaud yourself in those moments.
Societies standardised (and very much historical) milestones, shouldn’t over-ride how important a personal milestone is
Whether achieved whilst single or otherwise, every one of us has a different path we are walking, and so everyone has different milestones and moments of celebration. Milestones shouldn’t, and in fact can’t, really be standardised, so it’s funny how we’ve ended up here.
When you quit a job that’s become toxic for your mental health
Or make new friends who are supporting and uplifting. Let go of a relationship that isn’t a happy one anymore. Get divorced from somebody that is bad for your emotional wellbeing. Switch careers to pursue a passion or something deeply cared about. Start over in a new city or country. Overcome a challenging situation or pursue a state of improved mental health and wellbeing. These things shouldn’t fly under the radar. They are big, celebration worthy things. Even if other people don’t appreciate how much they mean for you.
Celebrate yourself
I’ve learned that this is a major part of what being single can offer, getting to a place of caring less about whether anyone else is paying attention, because it’s simply you versus you. You right now, versus who you were a year ago. You right now, versus who you want to become in a years’ time. You’re not in a race against anyone else. Their accomplishments are great, yours are just as meaningful, even if you’re the only one whooping from the side-lines. You are over here trying to be better. And that’s fucking awesome.
The Things You Are Doing Whilst Single Do Not Deserve Any Less Celebration
Say it once, twice and then say it again. Because whilst society isn’t totally on board with re-evaluating its traditional milestones and making way for some new ones, you can still celebrate your wins and deservedly so.
Of course it’s hard to sell yourself the single dream when half the population are partnered and believe they’re happier than any singleton could be, and many of us singles still believe that to be the truth. That just means it’s going to take time. Rome wasn’t built in a day.
In the meantime be your biggest champion. Become an effing great cheerleader. It is absolutely an act of self-care to celebrate yourself, and revel in all your singleness.
Amy Roullier
Amy Roullier is a British writer and author of Silent Reflections of a Fragile Heart. For her, writing began as personal therapy and has evolved into a way to connect with others, posing questions and offering reflections that might help readers find clarity. Based in Lincolnshire, Amy is an occasional vegetarian and a dedicated lover of carbs—her true soulmate. She’s currently navigating a mid-life crisis through running, and mornings are simply impossible without coffee.
